This year has been the best, worst year
That I think I’ve ever had
An oxymoronic statement
Like being happy that you’re sad
I had fallen back into the routines
That I’ve lived every year before
Doing the same things everyday
But wishing there was more
Scared to make a change in case
I somehow made things worse
And so instead of moving forward
I put life in reverse
I had the best intentions
But things have seemed too tough
I’ve struggled with many sleepless nights
And not feeling good enough
Being told that I was not needed
From the place I had felt that I belonged
And being cast aside so cruelly
Left me hurt, alone and wronged
This turned my life upside down
I still don’t fully understand
Yet in many ways this sparked a change
And helped to force my hand
I never really panicked
I just took each day as it came
Knowing that some would be harder
Yet never feeling any shame
I couldn’t take on everything
I had to make so many choices
Committing to what mattered most to me
Ignoring inner guilty voices
I threw myself at opportunity
Change, more essential now than ever
So I opened up, and connected
And just went with each endeavour
I looked at what I valued
And ignored what others sought
I’m so glad of all the lessons
That the hardship of this year has taught
I learnt that I’m resilient
I learnt that change can heal
I learnt that purpose can be crafted
And that life has surprises still
I learnt that I am loved
I learnt that I am wanted
I learnt that living in routines
Meant living a life haunted
I know that I will struggle still
Some days I may not see in colour
Or hear the music playing
But only a few days will seem duller
This year has taught me many things
But most importantly
That judgement isn’t helpful
And that I must be true to me
So I look forward to 2025
And all that it may bring
As I know now, that good or bad
I’ll find a song to sing
