Talk turns to children and I wince
my wound opens up again
Tales of happy families
Brings a burning pain
Another pregnancy gets announced
My colleague swells with pride
I stumble, keeping my head low
Looking for a place to hide
I smile just to be polite
And from the outside looking in
You don’t see the turmoil
That is bubbling within
I’m feeling brave one morning
Before work is due to start
The chatter turns to morning feeds
And we have lived that part
“Sleep deprivation is an awful thing
But I remember those nights fondly
Making bottles in the dark
Was utterly beyond me”
You turn to listen then see it’s me
And quickly avert your eyes
I see the thought fly through your mind
What if my baby dies?
The conversation hangs in the air
As you turn back to your screens
I see that I have caused distress
But you don’t know what that means
Can I never speak my child’s name
Through fear of upsetting you
Should I hide away the photographs
So you can’t see her too
Should we make you feel more comfortable
Another burden put on us
After everything that we’ve endured
We mustn’t cause a fuss
My life has been a living hell
And yet I have been told
That I am now a minority
Left out in the cold
I refuse to hide my ugly truth
I demand you see and hear
All my daughter means to me
Even if you shed a tear
She may not have been with us long
And our stories aren’t the same
But I may heal and you may feel
If you let me speak her name
