My name is Michael Trillow and I am a parent.

My journey to becoming Dad has been, like most people’s, eventful. However the full spectrum of emotions that I have battled with along the way left me paralised inside my own skin, not knowing how to express myself. This left my friends and family feeling as if they did not know how to help me and left me feeling isolated.

I am now the father of three beautiful girls. Ivy, Daisy and Elsie. Our family portrait is complete but Ivy will always be missing.

Ivy was born on 26th December 2018. She was the best part of my life and I love her and think of her still every day. Ivy passed away when she was just four months old from a genetic condition called Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 (SMA Type 1). 

After Ivy passed my wife and I pledged to do all we could to ensure that good would come from her life, that is when we set up Ivy’s Gifts. 

Ivy’s Gifts is a fundraising portal run through Just Giving raising much needed funds for Oxford Hospitals Charity. Our aim is to help patients, families and staff in the hospitals that took care of our little girl so well. 

All of the good that we do is because of Ivy and we feel proud of the work that we are doing and proud to be Ivy’s parents. We loved having her with us during her life and feel her with us still. 

Our road through the grief that we felt and still feel is far from over. We have come a long way but we will live with this loss forever.

To help me come to terms with the loss I started to write poetry as a way of exploring how I was feeling. Going through numbness and nothing to being able to feel sadness and eventually joy and hope once more.

This blog aims to show that grief is something that never really goes away, because the love we have for those we lose never really goes away.

Since having Daisy and now Elsie, fatherhood has taken on a new role again. I am an active parent to two girls and I try to ensure that they know of their sister in a suitable way. The joys I feel being with them can cause me pain in knowing that Ivy can never be physically present in our day to day lives. 

I hope that you find some comfort in my poetry, whether that comes from the fact that you can see that you are not alone in your grief or that there are moments of happiness to come.

Find out more about Ivy’s Gifts and Oxford Hospitals Charity below and if you would like to donate to our fundraising efforts there is a link in the menu. Thank you.